Singles' Night

So, as of 7 am this morning when I left for work, I will not have a husband present until late Sunday or Monday. A little bit of me is excited, the other (majority) bit of me is kinda sad and lonely. Except for the occasional training or conference session, we don't spend that much time apart, so it'll be a bit of an adjustment, but it's not really the him not being here that bothers me, but the me not being there. David plays on an intercollegiate club soccer team, and they have regionals 14 hours away this weekend in Georgia. I'm not able to make it due to expenses and taking time off of work, and this makes me sad. I hate that I'm not going to get to be there to cheer for his team from the sidelines and embarrass him with my catcalls. I hate that I'm not going to be there to either congratulate the whole team if they do well or buy them all beer if they don't. It's just such a passion of David's that I hate not being there for a major part of it. Although, if they end up doing well, nationals is only an hour and a half away, so that's pretty lucky. I should just stop whining about it and plan my girly weekend.

So, boyless activities for this weekend:
- Wii Fit Hula Hoop with no one laughing at me.
- Going to a MSU football game where I actually go into the game instead of just tailgating.
- Starting a composting bin.
- Making calls about decorating that can't be vetoed, because you know what? I can't hear him yelling that he doesn't like picture ledges all the way from Georgia.
- Getting a vacuum! And actually vacuuming! (I never thought I'd be excited about vacuuming until I didn't have one for a month and a half. My carpets are disgusting.)
- Eating popcorn for lunch and dinner everyday.
- Changing out summer and winter clothes.
- Wii Zelda with no one making fun of my karate moves during sword fights.
- And, of course, putting goop on my face and relaxing in the tub.

Any other suggestions?

The Whole Body Image Thing

As witnessed here and here, I am constantly trying to motivate myself to get into better shape. Part of this desire is a feeling of inadequacy, remembering what I used to be able to do. As a child, I attended the requisite dance school and was just generally really active. In junior high and high school, I channeled this into track and soccer. Track soon fell by the wayside, but I loved soccer. I was decent at it and one of the fastest girls on the team. My senior year of high school, I applied to attend the Air Force Academy and was accepted, but chose not to go. And then everything just stopped. I played a few intramural and club soccer games here and there, but was so disappointed by how out of shape I was, the game was just not the pleasant experience I wanted it to be. Six years ago, I could run two miles in 16 minutes (hey, I never said I was awesome, just that I could do it), do fifty sit-ups, and thirty push-ups without even wiping myself out. Now, I struggle with one push up. It is a major accomplishment if I make it through one mile. And this depresses me. And I don't like being depressed, so I want to change this.

Another part is my husband. He is incredibly supportive and loving and has never said anything about my weight. Because he is also smart. But, he is also incredibly active. An avid soccer player, he is constantly running 5 miles and biking 25 miles to stay in shape for games. I want to be able to do some of that with him. Now, I know I will never be able to keep up with him, because at 6'4", he has freakishly long legs, but maybe we might be able to take the dogs for a jog together without me clutching my side in pain after five minutes. Plus, I can't let him be the pretty one.

Then, there's my job. My job supposedly requires equal field and office time. Currently, it is all sitting on my ass time, but soon, hopefully, my days will be filled with hiking hither and yon. I like that my job keeps my activity up, but I'd also like to keep myself in shape so I can get my job done in noticeably quick time.


There's always the family-expanding idea, too. I'd like to be healthy and relatively active during any and all pregnancies. Plus, when said baby does arrive and grows a little, I'd like to be able to keep up with it.

And, lastly, there's the vanity issue. I've never really kept up with my weight, just how my clothes fit and felt. At 5'9", I've always been able to hold a little more weight than what most of my friends announced was their target and still been happy with myself. And that's what has jolted me into my latest attempt to downsize. I visited my sister this weekend and stepped on her scale just to see. 162 stared back at me. I have never been that high. I don't feel that heavy. I didn't even notice that my clothes had gotten much tighter. I still thought I was hovering around 145-150 pounds. But I hate that number. I am not happy with it. And once I started to think about it, my body shape has changed. I have stomach rolls sitting down now. I have dresses that I don't wear because they're hard to zip. Same with pants. I even have some beautiful custom-made business wear that I haven't worn in 3 years because the buttons and seams pull. My wardrobe revolves around 3 pairs of "curvy-fit" jeans. And I didn't even notice. Or was in denial. Yeah, it was probably denial. I don't want to be in denial anymore.

So, with the purchase of a Wii Fit and the use of the yoga mat and balance ball that has been sitting my house for a year now, I am trying to make a change. I am changing my eating habits to cut out junk food and keep food like chex mix and granola bars at my desk for cravings between meals. I am eating smaller portions. Coming from a family that's dinner time motto was "Eat everything on your plate" this is taking some actual effort. I'm checking to see if I'm full halfway through a meal, if I'm actually still hungry or if it's just "it's so good, I want to eat more." I'm aiming for 15-30 minutes of workout time everyday. When we get some money saved up, I'm going to buy a bike. I'm doing triceps dips and squats at my desk. I am cutting back on butter!!

And you know what? I've lost three pounds!! My goal is 10 pounds in one month, and that's one of the biggest reasons for the Wii Fit. It allows me to keep track of everything and get some nice, computerized, non-judgey feedback. My overall goal is to get back to 140, with one 135 being my dream goal. And I want to be able to do 10 push-ups without the help of a forklift.

Has there been anything that you've noticed has helped to keep you focused? Different types of goals or different methods?

The Update

So, in the year and half that I've neglected this thing, a lot has changed. I did graduate (cum laude, even!), gotten married, gone on a honeymoon, got a job, adopted two dogs, my husband has found a kitten, we bought a house, the old cat ran away, and I love my life.

As opposed to how I used to feel, I am satisfied with my life now. I mean, I want a baby, but not right now. Well, maybe right now, but not with pay and leave being what they are. I like my job. I love my job when I am able to fulfill my job description, but since I have no supervisor, it's been kind of boring lately. I even like my husband, which is a good thing. And since I have job security (I work for The Man) and am just starting on saving for retirement, even the stock market deciding to be schizophrenic is going well for me. I was able to buy an affordable starter home because it was a foreclosure. Plus, gas prices just went down! Woot!

Please don't hate me because the universe decided to time some things right for me (finally), I am just making a concious effort to be optimistic. I've made a decision to tell myself every morning "It is a good day." Now, it may or may not be, and I'm sure there are going to be some surly posts here, but believing it's going to be a fine day for even 15 minutes before something goes wrong should save me a forehead wrinkle or two, right?

BTW, my landlord was a giant douche. He killed my crepe myrtles and honeysuckle bush. Bastard.

I'm Back!

I know everyone was waiting with bated breath.

I'm going to restart blogging. I doubt anybody that use to read me still has me in their blog feed, but maybe. Hopefully it will stick this time. I love reading through other people's archives, hell, I had fun reading through my own today, so I'm hoping to continue this as a way to keep my memories fresh.

Please to enjoy!