Type A, much?

Let me preface this with I know I need to chill the fuck out, but it's just one of those days.

My boyfriend and I are planning on getting married next summer after we both graduate. I don't have a ring yet, but as we've been dating for four years and he won't take me out to dinner because he's "saving up for the ring," I know it's coming sometime in the foreseeable future.

I am now starting to get a little worried about the whole wedding thing. Since we're not engaged yet, I don't feel comfortable researching venues or menus or flowers too deeply. But, I feel the need to start planning something. I'm not sure if my parents are going to be paying for this due to a slight (read: I've spoken to my father about five times since Christmas) falling out. Neither David nor I make a lot of money, and I don't want to ask his parents for help. I mean, I would be fine getting married on a beach or at the university chapel, but I don't know if that's what everyone else wants, and if they don't, I need to be figuring out my budget pretty soon, since I'm the one that's going to be paying for most of this.

And though I love my boyfriend very, very much, if he tells me again "Weddings aren't that hard to plan," I swear I might scream. If this turns out to be an actual church and reception wedding, I am overwhelmed at all the stuff I will have to take care of myself. If someone would just give me some idea of which way to head, this might not be so scary, but it's still pretty open-ended and I just hate this feeling of not knowing anything. I'm very flexible when plans change and can be very spontaneous, but I can't stand knowing there is this big thing looming and there are no plans. I mean, it's not like I'm going to get the big chance to explore churches and restaurants if we have it at his hometown three hours away since I'll still be taking fucking classes until a month before. I want it to be all nice and pretty and shit, but if I don't get some kind of concrete response before Christmas, I'm putting an advertisement in the paper, "We're getting married this day and this time here. Be there or be square. BYOB." And that's how everyone will find out about it, parents and all.

Stupid Southern weddings and traditions and trying not to piss everyone off and not having any money and people with no opinions.


This is all venting and this is why I put this thing up, to save on the therapy and not yell at the cat.